DISCOVERY

You still remember the moment you discovered that your partner watches pornography everyday and has secret email accounts. Ever since then, the utter shock of seeing bikini-clad girls on the margin of the computer screen has left you scared, empty and numb. The words, “click here” keep jumping in front of any other thinking you try to do. The days are a blur and when people speak to you, it’s like a dream. You see their lips moving, but nothing of what they say computes in your brain. The only sensations that you are aware of are heartache, headaches, and deep fatigue. And a deep shame has anchored in your stomach.

YOUR CRISIS

Anxiety clings to every breath. Fear of being judged keeps you from talking to anyone about what’s happening inside you and around you. Wanting to know the full truth, you spend hours going through social media accounts and email looking for evidence of infidelity. Every day brings up new fears about you, your partner, and your relationship. Questions like, “What’s wrong with me?” invade your mind. Not only do questions rumble around, but the really big one screams “How did I let myself fall in love with someone who would hurt me so badly?” and is on repeat. 

THEIR RESPONSE

At first your partner lied and pushed back when confronted about looking at pornography and email accounts. But when it was apparent that you weren’t going to back down, they confessed that they’ve been looking at porn and masturbating everyday since they were 14, AND they’re not sure that it’s really that big a problem. To make matters worse, they try to sell the idea that all the women in the contact lists are “just friends”. His nonchalant response is alarming to you and causes you to delve into even scarier thinking:

“What else don’t I know about?”

LET ME HELP YOU

I’m Keanna and I’m a Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor who has specialized training in sex and pornography addiction. Please let me reassure you that you are not crazy or stupid, and you are not the blame for the other’s infidelity.

Learning that someone you love has betrayed your confidence and trust is a very traumatic experience. You might have reactions such as intense shame, a sense of confusion about what is really going on, ruminating thoughts, and an intense need to comb through the other person’s social media accounts, email accounts, and electronic devices. All of those reactions are an effort to confirm your reality and to help you feel safe by making sure the infidelity isn’t continuing. It’s a very painful and confusing time.

I can help you to begin to find your balance. I have a “first things first” approach to helping betrayed partners renew their faith in their ability to cope with this crisis. I can teach you how to work with those difficult emotions when they threaten to overwhelm you. You did not create your pain but you are the only one who can create a better sense of safety for yourself and become more intentional in your decisions. A CSAT (Certified Sex Addiction Therapist) - that’s me - has specialized training to help you navigate emotional and sexual betrayal. 

You don’t have to go through this alone, contact me to schedule a free, 15-minute consultation to learn how to start healing from the pain of betrayal trauma from infidelity. Providing counseling in Cary, NC and online therapy in North Carolina.